War of the Worlds (Mango Style!)
by ElvenPrincessOfNarnia
Summary: The War of the Mangoes (and Other Random Objects) has begun. Join two girls on this epically funny adventure and meet zany, miscellaneous, funny, and familiar characters on the way. Characters include: Boromir, Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, the white Witch and many others!
1. Chapter 1: The Beginning of the War

Notice: May cause Serious Randomness Overload Disorder (SROD).

Originally written for a different website by me and a friend.

* * *

A REALLY REALLY LONG AND BORING INTRODUCTION

* * *

Welcome to my crazy world of Confectionary Comments. Please do NOT proceed in reading if you are a fan of certain people whom I will name.

Insults and funny jokes made to characters such as, but not restricted to:

BOROMIR, Voldemort, Sauron, Percy Jackson, Peter Pan, the Wright Brothers, Katniss Everdeen, Sticky (George) Washington, the White Witch, Harry Potter, dragons, orcs, mangoes, fruit in general, pizza and many more random things!

Warning: There is serious mango, pizza, lollipop, physical and other violence in this novel, story, joke, thing.

So, ON WITH THE WAR!

* * *

Scene:

A forest, a castle, a giant white room  
A river, a backyard, and a witch on a broom.  
Two girls having fun eating a bun  
Get robbed by a halfling under the sun.

Kate (me) and Silva (Returned) are sitting in our own houses, sending each other goodies and messages, when Pippin TRIES TO STEAL A PLATE OF COOKIES!

Silva: Pippin, those are MY COOKIES, not yours!

Pippin: **whines** But I'm hungry!

**Kate & Silva ignore him **

**Kate sends Silva a sword**

Silva: Thanks! I have never seen its equal! **swings it around a bit **

**Suddenly, Denethor sneaks up behind Silva and tries to** **take her sword**!

Denethor: Give me the sword!

Silva: NEVER! **swings the sword at him**

Denethor: **cackles** Fool! No mortal blade can hurt me!

Kate: This is no mortal blade, this is a MORGUL BLADE forged in the dragon's breath.

Pippin: OOOOHHHHH! Can I have it!

Silva: No

Pippin: **pouts** Fine. MANGO WAR!

**Pippin and Denethor bring out giant catapults and load them with the dreaded MANGOES **

Boromir: Fire!

All: When did you get here?

Boromir: One does not simply ask such a question! Hey Dad, can I borrow your sword?

Denethor: No! We're in the middle of a war, and don't call me DAD in front of people, it's HUMILIATING!

Faramir: OK Dad.

Denethor: **hurls a mango at him** WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THAT?

Faramir: Um, mango war?

_It all went down from there..._


	2. Chapter 2: Notice About War

Chapter 2

Notice: War Postponed Due to Unexpected Guests and Complications~ Pippin

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Scene:

A backyard, a palace, a few giant cannons  
Mangoes, one hobbit, a witch, and some lollis.  
Our heroines two, caught in the middle  
Are unseen, now, in the midst of these jollies.

Now comes a villain, bold and proud  
White, with a wand and a tall ice crown.  
With death in her eyes and conquering kingdoms  
Soon doom will come, and someone will drown.

* * *

**Suddenly, the White Witch appears out of nowhere and turns Denethor to stone!**

Jadis (the White Witch): Ha ha! Now I am the Steward of Gondor!

Aragorn: But I'm the king! Lolli? holds out a lollipop

Jadis: OK. **takes it and turns Aragorn to stone** Mwahahaha! Now I am Queen of Gondor and lollipops!

**Gandalf appears next to a field of snowdrops**. You shall not pass!

BUTBUTBUT

NO!

Don't make me turn you into stone Gandalf!

**Annabeth and Percy appear. Seeing the White Witch, Percy turns white and tries to hide behind Annabeth.**

Annabeth: COWARD!

Gandalf: You shall not pass!

**Jadis turns him into stone**

Percy: OOOHHH. Pretty flowers! **stoops to pick a snowdrop**

Jadis: Hey! DON'T TOUCH THE SNOWDROPS.

**Percy nods weakly and backs into the statue of Gandalf, tipping it over into the field...**

**Jadis turns him into stone** Mwahaha! Now I am Jadis the White, Quuen of Gondor, lollipops, and now the Sea!

Pippin: I thought you were already The White Witch!

Jadis: Yes, but I wasn't JADIS THE WHITE!

Pippin: OK, point taken.

_Total randomness has begun..._

**The Witch King of Angmar flies in on a Fell Beast.** Queen Jadis, join with me and we will rule together over Gondor, lollipops, the White Council, the Sea, and whatever else you, er, WE, conquer!

Jadis: Hmmm, let me think... NO. turns him to stone

Kate & Silva: Is there no hope?

Pippin: You're back!

**_End of Chapter_**

Pippin: Why is there a giant End of Chapter sign above my comment?


	3. Chapter 3: Further Notice of War

Chapter 3

War Still Postponed... TOTAL RANDOMNESS ENSUES! ~ Pippin, now Official Memo, Title, Warning, Person-Thing

* * *

Scene:

The villain proud stands in victory  
But the hero bold is still to come.  
Will the girls, two, survive to see  
The outcome of this war?

Along comes a girl, Miss Contraire  
From the city, not the prairie.  
The hero falls before her sword  
Almost, before she is bored.

Boromir son of the Steward, you see  
Is a bore, always was and always will be.  
Read on, bold reader, read on to the end  
And you will see what is around the bend.

* * *

**The hero approaches, Aslan, the great lion! Jadis flees screaming and Aslan returns everyone to their proper form **

Aragorn: **holds out a lolli** Lolli?

Aslan: OK.

**Pippin tries to steal the lolli!**

Boromir: One does not simply steal a lion's candy!

**Pippin smacks him on the head with the lolli**

Boromir: One does not simply smack me on he head with a lolli!

_THE WAR RESUMES_

Aragorn: You have my sword!

Legolas: And my bow!

Gimli: And my axe!

Caspian and Susan: You have our weapons!

Pippin: **guiltily tries to hide the weapons behind his back** No we don't! Um, the same smith made these weapons and they just LOOK like yours! Yeah, that's it.

Susan: **rolls her eyes** Yeah right, SHORT PERSON!

Boromir: One does not simply insult a hobbit!

Constance Contraire: Rules and schools are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules.

Boromir: One does not simply insult education!

Constance: One does not simply repeat that line!

Boromir: One does not simply steal my line!

Gandalf: If you do not study, YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

**Hermione pops out from nowhere** I definitely disagree with you, Miss Contraire. Without school, would you know how to make felix felices? No.

Constance: If your so smart, the what's the base of 144?

Hermione: **blank** Uh, 13?

Percy: Hi Hermione...

Ron & Annabeth: Percy!

Percy: Sorry! **backs into the White Witch** Auuuugggghhhh!

Boromir: One does not simply scream in my ear!

Constance: Aragorn! Picnic!

Aragorn: Ooh yay! I love picnics! **They go over and sit in a corner while Boromir and Jadis rail at a completely terrified Harry. (Oh wait, did I say Harry? I meant Martina Crowe. No, I meant Percy. There we go!)**

Constance: Listen to this poem I wrote, dude.

Aragorn: OK **takes out a lolli and starts sucking it**

Constance: "Why Green Plaid is So Annoying and What I Intend To Do About It: An Explanation of my Heroic Actions-"

Aragorn: Was that it?

Constance: Nope! Anyway...

"For one thing plaid's hideous  
A pattern cooked up  
By dimwit designers who must have been mad  
It's also perfidious (a word I looked up  
It means lots of different things, all of them bad)"

Aragorn: You can stop now!

Constance: NO! **smacks him on the head with a lolli **

Pippin: Hey, I'm the one who smacks people on the head!

Constance: You snooze, you lose!

Aragorn: Thus ends the chapter (Of complete randomness and lollipop violence. Still no mangoes...)


End file.
